Pam Gardiner says that she doesn't know whether or not to stay with her cross dressing husband Dave Gardiner.
She says she loves her husband Dave but cannot bear his female alter-ego Cassie.
Every morning before going to work in an insurance office Dave Gardiner joins wife Pam and their two young children for breakfast.
But when he goes to work, he is dressed in pencil skirt and heels as his alter-ego Cassie.
Dave, 37, is living a double life: wearing women's clothes by day, and "dad clothes" of jeans and T-shirts at home in the evenings. And it is tearing his family apart.
"You read about wives who readily accept this sort of thing," says Pam. "But the situation is killing me. I married a man, not a woman, and every time I see Cassie my stomach churns."
Pam, 44, from Cheshire, is desperately trying to make their complicated relationship work for the sake of their young children, but the struggle is taking its toll.
She has lost friends, is drinking more and has even attempted suicide.
And she fears she may ultimately lose the fight to save her marriage.
"Dave and I don't have sex any more and we frequently have blazing rows," she says. "I'm just not sure if this is something I'll ever get used to, or if it will end in divorce."
Dave, meanwhile, reckons his cross-dressing is good for his family.
"I dress as Cassie to keep our family together," he says. "Before, I was stressed out, anxious and turning into an angry person. I was on the verge of a breakdown.
"Cassie was the lesser of two evils. I could allow myself to be her at work or lose my sanity – and where would that have left my wife and children?
"Making a clean break is not an option. I love Pam dearly and I never think it does children any good when parents split. Cassie is helping us survive."
He says he is denying himself the chance of going permanently female for his family's sake. "I'm prepared to sacrifice transitioning further to keep them," he says.
Stuck in the middle of this chaos are their children, a girl aged five and a boy of three. Pam admits: "I worry seeing their dad dressed as a woman will affect them and I question if they will be OK."
While Dave promises not to dress as Cassie at home, he spends hours online chatting to other transgender people about their experiences. "Essentially he is bringing Cassie into our home," says Pam.
When their little girl sees Dave dressed as Cassie for these photos, she bursts into tears and says: "I miss Daddy."
He insists he does his best to limit the children's upset. "I know it must affect them," he says. "But it's better my children have a loving father than one who is desperately unhappy and angry."
Dave dropped the bombshell he wanted to live a double life during a family caravan holiday last summer. It came after he accidentally "outed" himself, posting personal details on a transgender site he thought was closed to the public.
Pam recalls: "He said 'I've just outed myself'. He told me he was transgender, a woman trapped in a man's body. I was so confused and I didn't know what think.
"I loved Dave and knew he loved me, but I feared for our relationship. I didn't even really know what transgender was."
Dave's gender confusion began when he was 10.
He told Pam when they first met that he liked to dress as a woman, but she thought it was just an occasional thing.
The couple wed in a romantic ceremony in the Dominican Republic in 2006, but Dave now says alter-ego Cassie has been "in a coma" for most of their marriage.
Pam says: "Until last August he never said he felt like he was in the wrong body. I didn't have a clue it was coming. I had no reason to doubt we'd live happily ever after as a conventional family."
When the truth came out, Pam felt she had two options: to let Dave dress as Cassie by day, or to deny her children their father.
It's a choice that not everyone can accept. She says: "I've lost friends who don't understand, and my half-sister Barbara says the fact Dave dresses as a woman in front of me is disgusting and disrespectful."
Dave says he was devastated at seeing his wife so upset, but insists that he cannot control his feelings.
Source - Mirror
No comments: